first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
