i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
