I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
