let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
