I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
