I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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