i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
