my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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