i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
