Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
there is puke in my bra ... again
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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