we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
