What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
