She said her name was "party"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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