Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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