the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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