I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
