Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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