Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
