ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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