when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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