never play flip cup with pint glasses
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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