he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
