I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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