So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
