You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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