Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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