I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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