im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
