I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
