sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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