Im at strip club and am horny
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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