If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
third nipple confirmed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
