need another drink. this is the easiest way
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize