Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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