I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
