it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
