Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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