If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
