one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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