I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude. I can hear the air.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
