there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
