Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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