He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
