She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
