So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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