Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Randomize
