Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
