You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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