When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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