I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
