i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
