So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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