it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
