he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
