It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
