so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
