i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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