i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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