Cold hands, warm shart.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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