And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
