cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
