you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He felt like a one man threesome
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
