youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
