the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
