Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
