Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
