Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
