All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
