So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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