Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
