my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
