Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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