I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
