we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
