Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize