I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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