You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
