return my video game
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
