Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He better not be in your backpack
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
