My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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