After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
