So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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