nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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