Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
