just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
