Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
