my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
