There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
