They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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