What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize