im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
