I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
