dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
