True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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