I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
