Duck Duck Cougar?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
