i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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