If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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