I would go down on you faster than GM stock
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
