Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
