if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize